Thursday, March 3, 2011

I'm Still ME!

Well, here we are again.
My 37th or 38th time.
I still have quite a few.
It's February 21.
March 17 is 3.5 weeks away. My 1 year mark.
February 28 is next Monday. 1 year from my farewell talk.
March 28 at midnight is my halfway mark.
April 10 is my 1 year left mar.
May is Mother's Day, time to call again.
June is my one year mark in Taiwan.
And then I'm home.
But I still have over half my mission left, so why think about it? Lol, no worries. It's just gonna start going REALLY fast, and I am doing everything in my power to slow it down.
I CAN NOT leave here. 1) I absolutely LOVE Taiwan. Everything about it. 2) I absolutely LOVE Tanzi. The ward I'm in now. How can I possibly leave when I've seen the numbers grow from 84 people every week to 117? How can I possibly leave when I've helped and seen long time members work through horribly challenging trials and concerns and come out on top? How can I possibly leave when I've found SOLID lifelong friends here, specifically in this ward?
How can I leave after helping several people enter the waters of baptism and become a part of the friendships that exist in this beautiful place? After attending the singles Family Night with 2 investigators, and 3 recent converts, I've come closer to these people than I thought I could. I'm a part of these peoples' lives, and I love them. And they love me. Not only do we share these things in common, but I am 100% myself around them, and it feels GOOD. I rarely got to be like that at home. Only with family and my ward friends was I ever 100% myself.
I've made a million mistakes. But I'm still following my God. People from both sides of the veil are supporting me. I found out about Bailey's (our 10 yr old chocolate lab) passing last week. I had a hard time getting to sleep. A rush of memories overtook me. This is the closest I've come to a real family member that I knew this well passing away. Obviously, family member relationships are more important and a lot more connected than me and a dog, but let me clear my point.
I just remembered Bailey sticking her nose in my door every day. Scratching her paws on my door when it was closed, coming home to a messed up bed from her sleeping on it, playing hide-and-seek with the tennis ball and me. Taking her on walks, wacking tennis balls to oblivion and back, and so on. But I'll never forget how well she knew me. She knew when I was sick. She knew when I was sad. And she would walk slowly into my room, and just sit next to my bed and wait. She gave me companionship when I thought I had none. She helped me through some of the most trying times of my high school years. I may not miss the every morning slime fest presented by my dear mother and sister (We used to solicit Bailey’s help in waking up brother…big slobbery kisses in your ear usually do the trick.); I may not miss the 10 pounds of poo left as a present for us at the bottom of the stairs, I may not miss cleaning her spot. I won't forget her cuddling in mom's arms 10+ years ago when we picked her out. I won't forget her dislike of fireworks. Her camera-shy personality, which she seemed to overcome right when she needed to leave us.
I remembered all this, and couldn't quite get to sleep. I took to cleaning right before 10:30. Then getting in bed took a long time. The next morning she went running with me. I miss her. She's off doing other things now, and I'm not entirely sure what, but I do know that her spirit was with me that day. At least her presence.
Lately, our area has been low on investigators. We're just low on progressing investigators. We still find 6 or so new investigators every day. But the actual progressing ones are smaller and lower than usual. This week, we went through former investigators, and found 2 that are willing to get baptized and have set goals.
Elder Mohr and I planned one night, and we had no idea what to do one morning at 11:30, right before lunch. He said he just kept thinking about the park with the basketball hoops. So we decided to go there to find some lessons and investigators. We woke up the next morning to find the weather bleak, rainy, and with this weather it was very unlikely there would be anyone in the park, especially in Taiwan. But, we went anyway.
We found some old men playing chess, checkers, and majiang (like old men do) and gambling. Not much success there (grumpy old men... hmph.), but we decided to walk around the rest of the park because we were tired, and like walking around the park, and had a good reason to walk around the rest of it, so we did. Needless to say we found (should I say, "Elder Mohr found") an investigator by the name of Tom. He got a Book of Mormon from missionaries 15 years ago. Still has it. Still reads it. Still prays about it. He just never found missionaries again, they never contacted him, and his parents don't accept it, so he's unwilling to come. Elder Mohr and I helped him understand that us running into him was a miracle, and it represented that he needed the Gospel at this time in his life, and invited him to come with us to church and meet with us. He's 27 years old, and still asks his parents for permission to do things. So he only agreed to meet with us. He wouldn't come to church. But I looked at Elder Mohr after we contacted this man, and we chuckled, and left the park. We knew why we went there that day. It's nice to know the Spirit is still with us, guiding, directing, protecting. Sometimes you just can't tell. And I'm scared to death to watch that nametag leave my shirt pocket. Cause there's just something different when you’re serving a mission. You have a power that just can't be explained. And I can't even imagine what it's like to not have the inspiration, and revelatory power I do now. How is it possible that some 20-year-old goof-ball can receive inspiration and revelation for a 50-year-old father and how to help him turn his life around? It's not possible. But the Spirit can, and we're just the mouth-piece. I need at least two companions to even speak those words of authority. My companion Elder Mohr, and the Spirit.
Miracles happen everyday. Do they when you're not a missionary? I never saw them before my mission. I'm scared to go home. But at that point, I have a different viewpoint, and miles better understanding and maturity. Maybe it'll be easier than I think. But all I know right now, is that I still have over a year. And I'm just happy to spend another year here. But I've added to my wants list. I have three most wanted things now.
1)Get home to Heavenly Father
2)Have my own family, be a husband and father.
3)Come back to Taiwan, and do it A LOT. I will NEVER stop studying Chinese.
Obviously BEING with family is important, but that doesn't really need a goal yet. Cause that'll be pretty easy for the most part. I'll set those goals in my last move call, and on the plane.
But I don't know if I can make it on the plane. Please help me come back here!!! I HAVE to come back!!!
I love you all!
We've got to go back and finish Spring Cleaning.
Yes it's 68 degrees outside, and I'm FREEZING.
Yes our apartment is DISGUSTING, but it won't be tonight. :D
Yes, I'm still ME.

-Elder Carter
Hurrah for Israel!

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