Thursday, March 3, 2011

Footsteps

Footsteps.

Thousands. What does that mean? you might ask.
I leave the apartment on a dreary, wet, windy day. I feel the chilly wind brush my cheeks and sweep through my hair as we walk swiftly to our bikes. As I wave hello to some members who just happen to be leaving, I see our bellboy waiting to greet us at the gate. "Carter! Goo Moning!" He cheerfully waves.
"Hey John! When can you get to church?" I reply in unison with my new companion.
"Church? It's always on my mind! My soul, ready to move on, accept the truth you offering!" He says as he returns to his little guard station.
I reply, chuckling, "Welcome you to church on Sunday!"
I see our bikes waiting for us, gleaming in the morning dew. I turn to my companion, and ask, "Elder Mohr, are you ready to save souls today?"
He responds by quickly, almost nervously attaching his huge proselyting bag to his bikerack, and, smiling, he turns and says, "Of course! Where do we go?"
"Right here. Just take a footstep."
Well, I'm training. Elder Mohr is from California. He's adopted and joined the church when he was 11. He plays the flute, majors at BYU in Music, and his main instruments are the organ and the flute. He plays the valve trombone, and did marching band in high school. He loves Star Wars. He's 19, he's BRAND new, his chinese is brilliant, and he's already helped a man be baptized.
I'm scared to death, but I've all of a sudden realized how to be happy every day. I know how my trainer did it. And I can be happy. I'm still working out of the rut I found myself in lately, but my new trainee is helping me pull myself out. But I couldn't do it without the Savior.
I miss Elder Zhu. He's a great friend. I'll definitely be keeping up with him. It's easier to hug my companion every night though... lol. Elder Mohr is just a tad shorter, and everyone in Taiwan calls him "cute". Elder Zhu was huge, I lost myself and my breathing abilities everytime I hugged him, so it's a little bit of a relief. But now he's moving to my first district and his Mom lives in that area. His mom is not a member. So please pray for him.
Meanwhile we are working to help Chen Baba's family accept the Gospel. This is the first time I've worked with kids, and I'm not quite sure what to do. Mom has no interest, and the kids are half-willing. Come on!!! Elder Mohr's ability to testify and promise blessings is beyond me. I don't know how he does it, but people are touched by the Spirit in ways I never thought possible. I wonder if that's how Elder Krantz felt about me.
I'm scared to lead a new missionary into the field, especially when I feel like I'm not a good enough missionary as it is.
But God will guide me.
The Savior is there to lift me.
The Spirit is there to touch me.
Can I make it? Of course. But there is no way on God's green earth that I can do that by myself. I need to rely on other people, and that's it. I think I've finally figured that out. Without Christ, I'd be home staring at the computer screen right now, or not even created yet. I'm so worried about impressing those people back home. All of them. Even those who might be reading this email with my family members in an ambulance somewhere in North or South Dakota. I'm scared to death to do anything that might make anyone back home think I'm not good enough, or I'm not being a good missionary.
But the stress that gives me is not condusive to serving a mission. I am spending 2 full years in 100% service to my God to help people have a chance to hear this message and help others start sharing the Gospel. It's important. If you don't believe in God, why do you think EVERYONE has a different personality? Personalities can't be birthed out. Some traits come from our parents, yes, but we have more than two parents. Heavenly Father is one of them. You must believe you have a soul. If you don't, than you think you're not unique and you're the same as the person next to you. That's not true is it? So you must have a soul. Where did our souls come from? Pray about it and you'll find out.
I'm out here beating myself up. That hasn't changed. I'm trying to figure out how to put all my worries on Christ. I'm trying to figure out how to be happy. It seems that a happy person is the only person that can build God's Kingdom.
What is exact obedience? Have you ever defined it for yourself? If I was exactly obedient to my definition, I end up overdoing things and getting myself out of balance to the point of freaking out. I've done it before. Too many times. I'm trying to learn how to be a good missionary, a good companion, while realizing what it's like to be a father, and a good husband. I'm only worried about my trainee's welfare now. I'm stressed out about making sure he makes it ok out here. I've got to feed him, take him to the bathroom, tell him what everything says and what everyone's saying. Just kidding lol ;P. It's no wonder missionaries call their trainees their sons. That's how it feels. When I start applying what my parents do with me to what I do with my companion, I all of the sudden am happy and able to keep moving forward with minimal stress. He is my equal out here, so it's not the same, obviously, but it's similar.
What is success? Have you ever wondered what your personal definition is? Have you ever tried to define it and discuss it with you coworkers? Your family? What is a doctor's definition of success compared with a soldier's? What is your definition of success as a paramedic? Once you find that definition, you'll realize where you need to improve where you need to not worry so much, and how to be happy at your work. If you're definition of success is accurate and it still doesn't bring happiness, maybe you should change your job. But how do you tell if your success definition is accurate or not? Well, that's what I'm figuring out right now. It's easy for me though. I know when my definition of success is wrong, because that's when I'm not happy. What I'm doing out here is 100% true and real. I know it with all my heart. That's hard to understand at your current job. Is your job the right job? Is your lifestyle the best for you? Are your friendships helping you or hurting you? In normal life, it's difficult to understand if what you're doing is right or where you are is the right place, if you don't have this Gospel. I'm out here 100% focused on this Gospel, so I know it's right. So it should be easy for me. It is. I'm just weak like every other man or woman. But I have the Spirit, I know about the Atonement, and I can speak to God. So can you. Just get on your knees and talk to him. Tell him you want to find the right path, the right job, the right friends, and you will. I have 20 years of experience with 13-14 million people behind me and billions more, plus the several people that I have helped enter the waters of baptism. This is the truth. And it works. But you need God. You need Heavenly Father. I want you to remember what Jesus Christ calls Heavenly Father in the Book of Mormon. And I think it's the same in the New Testament. He only calls him names that refer to Father.
Maybe we should remember that relationship.
Lately I've realized that my entire life I've believed in Heavenly Father, but the relationship I have with him just feels like a boss and his employees. His employees just happen to be family members. That's not what it is, but that's still how I feel. I want to understand that better and figure out how to see the relationship the way it really is. I know it's Father and Son, but I never feel like it's that personal. Sometimes it is, just like how a boss would treat his employees if his employees were his sons. I know that's not what it is. I'm striving to understand that relationship better now. I'm starting (the way everyone and everything should start) with prayer. Just like with Adam and Eve, it starts with communication. EVERY relationship is exactly the same. Communication. But sometimes it takes a frisbee, or a friend, or a missionary to start that communication. And then you realize just how special and unique those relationships really are, and how much you really treasure them. I love frisbees. ;)
I love you all. So much. Sorry for my recent slump. But I'm coming out of it. I'm happy again. Love you!

-Elder Carter

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